Be My Valentine, NOT!

Writer: Elaine Ewe

This Valentine's Day, hearts will be mended or broke as loves are found or lost. As Katy Perry's latest single sums it up, it is definitely "Not Like The Movies". This is the list of a few movies to avoid come this 14 February, as they only serve to further latent feelings of loneliness, desperation or possibly doom one to single-dom. Arguably, theorists for the age-old debate of the media's influence of its viewers may not have said their last word, but as they say, there is no fire without smoke. And we promise not to provide you with a generic list, so read on ahead!

"When you love someone, you love all of them... you gotta love everything about them, not just the good things but the bad things too. The things that you find lovable and the things you don't." The celebration of 14 February has forever been ruined by Garry Marshall with his eponymous movie about the day in question, not unlike a certain girl by the name of Rebecca Black and a certain day of the week. "Valentine's Day" does not bode well for both single individuals and couples; for it is incomprehensible that any man or woman would want to watch the romantic destinies of Very Attractive People converge into one big cliché such as how jock Willy Harrington (Taylor Lautner) and preppy cheerleader Felicia Miller (Taylor Swift) flaunt their puppy love and promises not to have sex before they are ready. Worse, watching the movie would mean fuelling Hollywood's delusions that the overwhelming presence of big-name stars like Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel and Bradley Cooper serve to make a mediocre movie better.

"Well, what am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!" If ever a reason should be given not commit infidelity, "Fatal Attraction" is it. This Valentine's Day, think long and hard about cashing in on girls' or guys' feelings, single or otherwise, if these feelings are not seriously reciprocated because you never know who might need that visit to the psychiatrist. Michael Douglas plays Dan Gallagher, whose simple fling with Glenn Close's Alex Forrest, turns out not to be so simple after all when Alex refuses to be just a one-night stand and begins stalking him and his family with one aim in mind: to have him all to herself. For married couples, it is a movie that brings horror home, appealing to underlying feelings of prurience, guilt and dread, not to mention the castration effect it may have upon your male partner as Glenn Close swings the knife. Also, animal lovers especially bunny owners, stay away.

"It was an improbable romance. He was a country boy. She was from the city. She had the world at her feet, while he didn't have two dimes to rub together." By now it is doubtful that no man or woman has not watched the film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook", starring Hollywood's latest heartthrob Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as a star-crossed couple separated by their social standing. However, for those who have yet to watch the movie, or want to re-watch the movie as part of the first date plan, it is highly inadvisable because of its depressing nature. No really, there are better things to do on Valentine's Day other than subjecting yourself to emotional toil about why Mr. or Mrs. Right have yet to appear, or why so-thought-Mr. Right does not say lines like, "If you are a bird, then I'm a bird". Come on, not everyone is born a romantic at heart, plus it is sadistic to make men insecure by having them watch someone like Ryan Gosling on screen.

"I never want to be like my parents. I know they must've loved each other at one time right? To just get it all out of the way before they had me. How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?" It should be clear that no one does romance like Ryan Gosling, whose puppy dog eyes seem to set girls hearts all-a-flutter and guys seething with jealousy. The latter in itself, is already a good reason not to watch "Blue Valentine" come this Valentine's Day despite how good it is. However, a better reason would be because the movie is an almost too-realistic depiction of how a romance could go sour, and when it does, nothing in the world can fix it, even if it is darling Ryan Gosling and elegant Michelle Williams. The duo play a married couple, Dean Pereira (Gosling) and Cynthia "Cindy" Heller (Williams), whose marriage is fizzling out as fast as the speed at which they fell in love with each other. Desperate to rekindle the spark they once had, they plan a night out, only to realise that it is hopeless. Ultimately, "Blue Valentine" is a raw and emotionally-devastating experience which may just send the guy off to be a monk, and the girl a nun.

"You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!" Yes, it is Judd Apatow's debut and critically-acclaimed buddy comedy, but seriously? If you must know, no other way reeks of desperation than renting a DVD of this movie for a romantic night in other short of wearing a placard to voice out your need to get laid. Steve Carrell stars as Andy Stitzer, a cheerfully geeky guy who is settling into middle age with his large collection of comic books, action figures, and collectable models. However, Andy has a secret, which is his severe jitters around women, causing him to remain a virgin despite being 40 years old. Horrified, Andy's pals set out to find a woman for him, leading to a disastrous state of affairs. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" is a no-holds-barred gross-out comedy about the reason a guy just wants to stay home and talk to his toys, which is hardly anyone who has a partner would want to do. In turn, girls may also be turned-off by this the soft-porn jokes, as they can be taken to mean how to treat girls as objects who exist at the disposal of men.